Will I Stay the Course?

That’s what I asked myself as I stood in line for Ann Hampton Callaway’s show at Dizzy’s Coca Cola in the Jazz at Lincoln Center facility. It was such a great gig. And it is big time. I couldn’t help thinking that I was so far away from a booking like this in NYC. I felt a bit depressed by it – at first… then I began to ask myself:

Exactly how far away am I from booking a gig like this?

How much work will it take for me to get here?

Do I have the guts to go for it?

Will I stay the course to get here?

But I am glad that I did not have to ask: Do I have the talent to get here?

It’s scary because this is way out of my comfort zone. And I have a good comfort zone. I make my living doing it: working with my band; doing weddings and parties. I am not on the line cause I know everything is gonna be all right. It’s a no brainer – the guys are gonna do a great job, the crowd is gonna love us and we’ll get paid. People know who we are, we have a great reputation and I have a good stable of contacts and clients.

And I love the work. I love the whole game of getting the gig and then making the event rock. We all feel such elation when an event has gone really well. Yet, I feel – no let me rephrase – I am compelled to do – achieve – more. I feel like a loser sometimes because I haven’t “fulfilled my potential,” even though I am making a good living strictly by singing and that, a loser does not make. It’s a dichotomy that makes me a little crazy.

My friend Vernon once reminded me of a conversation we had years ago in which I stated that I just wanted to be able to pay my rent by playing music. I think now is the time to set a loftier goal.

But I don’t feel crazy this morning as I write this. I feel good and positive about the future and that my future lies in New York. I don’t plan to leave Chicago. But I must say that Chicago can be hard on its artists. I used to hear that all the time from musicians who made it outside of Chicago. But lately, I feel it. Sometimes I feel under-appreciated in Chicago – taken for granted – disregarded – snubbed. Maybe it’s the over exposure to slimey middlemen and “the business” of show business where folks try to break you down to play you cheap. Yep, this business can get to even me and I have had it pretty darn good so far.

So far though, New York has been very, very good to me when I needed it.

I think I just needed some inspiration and New York is providing me with that. It has given me an entire new prospective on show biz and my own professional goals.

Time to roll the old sleeves up, get the creative juices flowing and get busy doing something new. I just hope I can stay the course.

Man, do I have a lot of work to do!! And I have got to get back in shape. OY!

I just hope I can stay the course.