When I Miss Her Most … thoughts on Mother’s Day 2014

I lost my mother on April 14th 2000. It was sudden and upon hearing the news I learned the true meaning of heartbreak. When I got the news that Mommy had passed, I fell to my knees and screamed. The primal scream: I found it that day. But that’s not what I want to dwell on here. Usually, I just let Mother’s Day slip by. But today I want to write a tribute to my dearest love, my mother. All that I am, any goodness in me, came from her. There’s some fucked up shit too but I know that I am a good person with a loving heart and that is because of her.

I miss her most:
whenever I see an older Black Lady wearing a sassy hat.
when I watch the Ten Commandments, or Gone with the Wind, or any movie starring Bette Davis, Elizabeth Taylor or Sidney Portier.
whenever Brooke Benton’s name is mentioned, I picture her screaming at his concerts as a teen.
whenever I feel wise
whenever I hear old school spirituals sung beautifully
whenever I sing “Precious Lord”
when I sang at City Winery NYC
She was my best friend. We spoke almost every day. She loved me and accepted me as is. She always fought for me. She kicked my ass. She spoke gently to me. She filled me with her wisdom, her kindness and her generosity. She taught me to be fierce, unflinching and full of piss and vinegar. She sacrificed to make sure I had the best of everything – including my education. She taught me to appreciate the good things in life. She taught me to be tolerant. She filled me with stories. She made me a movie lover. She taught me to be compassionate. She taught me the virtue of forgiveness and respect. She taught me how to be instinctive. She gave me good common sense. She gave me a sense of the spirit world which empowers me every day. She taught me to be humble.

She was my biggest fan.
She guides me every day.
I really do feel she is with me always.
So I am not overly melancholy on this Mother’s Day because I had the gift of a mother’s true love.
Happy Mother’s Day!