It’s morning and I am sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. The doctor’s office is located in an area hospital. It’s not posh or fancy in any way. This comforts me for some reason. There are people of color here, working people – quite unlike the last time I was in an Ortho clinic (four years ago) which was located downtown off fancy Michigan Avenue with copies of the Wall Street Journal, Crain’s Business and Chicago Social laying about. The next thing I notice is how sick I am not.
There are two cancer patients sitting here. I am the queen of eavesdropping so I am able to hear them discuss their condition with their companions. There is an elderly Latino woman in a wheelchair who starts to choke and cough. Her body is wracked with convulsive hacking. Her companion covers her with a small blanket. She glances around embarrassed. It sounds so awful. Her friend rubs her neck and shoulders to give her comfort.
“Poor thing!”
Another plus sized Black woman is in a wheelchair. She is accompanied by her best friend who is reading Bible verses aloud to her. My mind goes quickly to my experience on the street – unable to walk. I think to myself: “There but for the Grace of God go I.”
A man dressed in a mechanic’s uniform runs in and says that he has an appointment scheduled for March 7th, but he is a cancer patient and his shoulder pain is too unbearable to wait that long. Is there anything sooner?
I realize that my knee pain is not such a big deal after all. The knee, the knee pain, being homebound – it has consumed my every thought. It has changed my life, but I know in the scheme of things that I have been very lucky. I have had no real health issues until now. But who knows what the future holds? My life, my health seems very precarious now. I could wake up tomorrow and find another more insidious pain or condition has taken over my body.
I look down at my body. Will my years of intermittent unrestrained eating, smoking and low physical activity finally catch up to me? I think of my dear friend Flo and how she was snatched away so suddenly while out running an errand. And Flo was not obese.
I will be 50 years old on my next birthday. I am closer to the end of life than the beginning. The time to live is now. There is no more putting off goals and dreams. It’s now or never. I have got to lose some weight. This weight could literally kill me. I shake myself out of these morbid thoughts.
First things first: I got to see the doctor about this knee.
Lynne- ain’t 50 the shits?? I’m coming up on it in March. Had some chest tightness over the holidays that I ignored b/c it was probly stress. It didn’t go away but now 2 docs agree I need to take reflux med- which made it go away. Really? Hang in there, & take care of yourself!
Lisa
I know right? I have been ignoring my pains for some time now – i figured i was just old & fat… But the old body ain’t what she useta be… Thanks so much for commenting!
I went to the dr.last August and he slapped my belly like a thanksgiving turkey and said, “you gotta lose some weight” and then, “lose it or be on high blood pressure meds all your LIFE”. Fucker. I have every intention of going to the gym, then some drama or household or work something hits the fan and I’m screwed.Muthafuc…..I will show him. I will bring that BP down. As for my back…well…I haveta remember my age which is a bitch cuz I don’t feel it in my mnd. At all. Pamper thyself.
This knee thing is a big obstacle. I could do other types of exercise but I can’t walk anywhere… we won’t even discuss going up & down two and one half flights to do laundry! but today – so far – is a good day.
Regarding that belly slap… that was “inappropriate touching!”