September has not been a stellar month for my permanent lifestyle change efforts. In one aspect it has been a good month because I have been very busy performing – which translates to physical activity – dancing and movement onstage, walking up and down stairs to and from my apartment to go to work. On the other hand, I have given very little attention to house cleaning, or watching everything that goes into my mouth. The good news is that I have not completely gone off the path to a healthier lifestyle and I will not give up. And somehow I managed to lose an additional two pounds.
Confessions:
I have been eating with total abandon this month. I ordered late night food deliveries and I have a collection of pizza boxes and take-out containers to prove it.
My house is a total disaster. It is out of control messy right now. I have completely ignored it. I am literally stepping over piles. I am sick of it. It is stressing me out!
Finances, the economy, a house out of order, and show business – what the hell to do with myself and my talent PLUS keeping my group working – are all a source of stress for me right now and I realize that stress compounds my unhealthy lifestyle and thus I completely abandon my commitment to losing weight, working out and cleaning my home:
“Fuck it!”
And it was one of the reasons (besides being “social”) I hadn’t been blogging regularly.
I can not continue to get bogged down in this. I can be really hard on myself and that tendency is totally counterproductive. I have to reboot, so to speak. I know the key is to regroup and make healthy choices. And I must remember how blessed I really am. Remember that blog post entitled: “Half Full?” I swear that some days the choice really is between feeling truly blessed and feeling like the biggest loser of all time.
But back to moving forward:
Every little step counts. Every cookie or chip I don’t eat matters. Every piece of paper that I pick up eliminates some clutter. Every time I choose to walk an extra block or take the stairs helps my physical body. Baby steps, I have to take baby steps this time because I seem to be having a hard time getting this thing together. It seemed so much easier back in 2002 when I just decided to lose weight and did all I could to make it happen. Of course I had more money then, and I could afford the trainer, and Pilates classes. But I still have the home gym I built and the knowledge of how to get in shape. The gym just happens to be obscured by clutter. But I know how to change that situation. Pick up one piece of clothing, put away one pair of shoes, organize one set of papers at a time… Take out the garbage. Small steps… small steps…
I hesitate to write more. I don’t want to say:
I will…
I am going to…
I have to start…
So I am leaving this blog post to go clean my house, make my home gym usable again, take care of business and participate in some form of physical activity – all in small steps of course – because the big picture is freaking me into complete inaction!
Excuse me while I go take control of my life!!
Amen. The adventure continues.
I actually got a lot done since I posted this!!! I have too much stuff. Too Much Stuff!!!
We ALL have too much stuff. That is what is wrong with us. We think having STUFF makes us happier. It doesn’t it stresses us out more cuz we don’t know where to put it all. I have been a good girl this summer and pitched A LOT of stuff..I can’t seem to want to deal with all my journals though. I have journals and diaries from since I was about 9 yrs. old. Do I burn them? What happens if I get run over by a bus and my girls read them? EEEEk. But yeah, getting rid of junk is a constant struggle for me too.