The Amazing Adventures of Permanent Lifestyle Change Girl

“Because “The Amazing Adventures of Permanent Lifestyle Change Girl” would sound bloody stupid…”

That was the response that the newly published author Shauna Reid gave when one of her blog readers asked her why she named her blog and subsequent book “Diet Girl.” Shauna never went on a diet after the first year of Weight Watchers. She lost over 160 pounds. She did it on her own. Just like I did. Twice.

I came across her blog while flipping through some pop culture tabloid bullshit on my AOL homepage.
You recognize the teasers:

People who lost half their size!
Ten celeb bad fashion choices!
Celebs caught stuffing their faces!
ad nauseam.

Anyway, I have noticed a recent trend in tabloid reporting (People Mag) in which they highlight regular people who have lost tons of weight naturally.

I was one of those people. I never made the Homepage of AOL but a local news anchor did a story on me and how I started this life change and blah blah blah… OY! The shame.

I lost 110 pounds over two years (2002 – 2004) through diet and exercise on my own. I gained it all back by 2007. And I have been hiding and ashamed since. It doesn’t consume my life. Honest! But I have avoided seeing people who haven’t seen me since I was “skinny.” It’s just so embarrassing. It’s like being spotted – back – on skid row.

See, the last time I lost weight I really believed that I’d never gain it back. I wasn’t dieting. I had made a lifestyle change. I was working out and loving it. Truly. I was into eating healthy, choosing healthy. I was even drinking diet coke or soda with a lemon at bars!

I would play at an outdoor event and hold court on the lawn like a guru with my minions at my feet asking me:

How? How did you do it? Show me! Tell me!

And I remember the looks of disappointment when I said I did it with diet & exercise – no special diet or quick fix. I would say: It’s just common sense: salad yes, cheesecake no!

I really don’t know what happened that made me loosen the reigns. I say reigns because controlling an appetite like mine was a huge job. In fact the entire enterprise was a job. I think maybe I got sick of saying “no” all the time.

My llfe now is so sedentary. When I was losing and working out I was working out daily and loving it. I have completely reverted to my old ways. And boy does it become clear when I try to do some of my moves from the agile days… My performing stamina has diminished greatly. I remember going from a full standing position to a squat and back up again like fucking Madonna! My knees would reject such a proposal on general principle today.

I used to marvel at how the more you do, the quicker your body adjusts… walk a couple days in a row and you’ll be able to note how NOT winded you are after walking on the third day.

But I am ready to try it again.

Well, actually, I’ve been saying that for a long time now. The last time I embarked, I just started. I wasn’t “thinking about getting in shape” I just started getting in shape one day and after two months hired a trainer.

I think what took me so long to get to this point is because I hadn’t accepted myself as fat again. I was just “on leave” from healthy living…

I will get back on the bandwagon tomorrow.
I will eat this tonight and start tomorrow…

Well, it’s been years now…

People say they discovered the relationship they had with food and why and what overeating gave them psychologically: comfort, deflection from real deep seeded personal issues and that’s how they were able to change their lives.

I dunno. I just found that I had to focus on the goals of being physically active and not eating everything I wanted to eat when I wanted to eat it. I have to relearn that discipline again. I have to give a damn again. I got to do this AND keep my band working?

AND stay the course?

Sometimes I just wanna accept myself as a fat person and enjoy my life “as is.” Like a fine piece with an imperfection…

I guess that’s the problem. This weight is unacceptable to me.

I don’t want to be at this weight and I know what to do to get rid of it.

Hmmm….

To be continued…