I did it!! I went to the movies and did not go to the concession stand. And I did not die of hunger nor did I waste away from longing for snacks. There were folks crunching and munching all around me! The deicious aroma of popcorn and butter was dancing all over me but I did not falter in my conviction. In fact, I felt like they were slaves to their popcorn – puppets of the concession stand.
Savages!
I thought to myself as I listened to their cracking and smacking.
I went to this particular film with friends. I think it’s easier to bypass the concession stand when I have “witnesses.” Haha. You know, maybe I like going to the movies alone because I can eat everything I want with little or no shame. I think compulsive eating is easier done when one is alone. And I believe the mass quantities of food I would purchase before a movie was a compulsion. Hell, I could eat a full meal, then go to the movies and proceed to buy a large popcorn with extra butter. What the hell?
I went to another film the next day and bypassed the concession stand again. Twice! And I was also with friends.
The true test is to go alone and not purchase food. I think I can do it. Hell, I sit here at home and watch movies all the time without a morsel!
I am not proclaiming that I will never eat buttered popcorn at the movies again, but for now, it is an important hurdle for me to conquer and a step closer to my real commitment to pay attention to my body and health. I know some of you might be reading this and thinking: “What the hell is wrong with you? Just stop eating. It’s just popcorn for God’s sake!”
Fuck you. But seriously folks, I have the “eating thing.”
Obesity is very visible in my family. I have had several close relatives who were morbidly obese. (I know that is a harsh term but it gets the point across right? I ain’t talking chubby, nor plump, nor thick) Note: the terms “had” and “were” – they mostly passed away from weight related illness – It’s in my blood and so I have to fight it. Experts say that it’s emotional and psychological, that we eat to fulfill some need, soothe some pain, fill in an empty space.
I did not become obese until I reached my mid twenties. I always felt like I was “fat” as an adolescent but I was neither an obese child nor teenager even though I always felt like I was. But I’ve seen the photos. I was not.
It’s a journey. It’s a battle. And it’s a lot of fucking work.
By the way, right after I wrote the above I immediately thought to myself:
I think I’ll go have a BLT for lunch.
OY!!
I have to take it one urge at a time. No to BLT, but yes to the huge salad in my fridge – all veggies and a little grilled chicken for protein.
I have got to reprogram myself.
I’ve done it before. I lost over one hundred pounds twice. I just woke up one day and started watching my food intake, exercising (the key) and learning all I could about nutrition and how the body utilizes, stores and processes food. I became a health -conscious person.
I did it twice, I can do it again – one urge at a time.
Besides, my knees are killing me.
Good work.
Thanks Bob!! You have no idea… It may sound silly but it was a huge triumph for me in my world.
See? You can do it. And reward yourself with something other than food. It IS possible, sweetie. I have faith in you.
Thanks Rose! I ate a salad tonight and cleaned my house all night. It’s not clean yet but it is out of that scary phase that I have been living with. : )
In an attempt to get my weight under control (don’t bitch me out, I would like to drop at least fifteen pounds and my struggle is the same as yours), I bought the book Skinny Bitch. The information in that book is so disturbing you won’t want to eat the stuff that gets you salivating and makes you weak in the knees. For me it’s anything sugary and sweet, but what they say about meat isn’t so good either. I cooked vegetarian last night for the first time in my life and am heading to whole foods today to buy a list of healthy stuff. It’s a beginning, where it will end I don’t know.
I would never bitch you out about wanting to lose weight. Yeah, you are small but you know what is a comfortable weight for you and you maintained it by watching and caring about yourself. Good luck to you! It is a journey, a fight that I have to think of daily every minute cause I got the eating thing and obviously I have not cared for several years. I have been eating with total abandon for ages now. I don’t really like the result so much. Oops! Today is another day!
I admit my biggest struggle isn’t food, it’s lack of motivation. There are at least a dozen things I should be doing to increase my business and I’m doing nothing. Age has taken my drive away or maybe I never really had it in the first place. Maybe eating healthy will stir it back up. Day two without meat, sugar and white flour products. Getting off sweets is as hard as quitting smoking. I want chocolate.
Oh honey, don’t even sweat your business ambition. You have the energy of a busload of teenagers!! You just have to focus – or at least that’s how it works for me – a light just pops on and you think: “what the heck have I been doing?” and then you get back to work. I just think your ideas are often ahead of their time (truly, I mean this) and you get easily discouraged when they don’t catch on like a wildfire. The key is to keep coming up with ideas… and to acknowledge your successes. Sure, I guess you could do more… (Please don’t get ME started on what I should be doing) BUT the key is to start… and take it bit by bit. The big picture puzzle is overwhelming… but not when ya piece it together one at a time… or sumtin’ like that… LOVE YA! your biggest fan!
I can totally relate to your post!
I find that when others are eating around me…or if I’m in an environment where people generally eat poorly (like at movie theaters, at sporting events, and on roadtrips)…then I’m far more likely to justify eating poorly as well. Congrats to you for staying strong at the movies!! I find that two things help me…
1. If I just have a rule that I won’t eat anything, then I’m okay. If I allow myself one bite or one sip, then I know I typically won’t be able to control myselt after that. Just saying “no” right off the bat really works for me.
2. I pop my own healthy popcorn at home on the stove(just add a little bit of salt and no butter) and then smuggle it inside the theater in my big purse in a large ziplock bag :-). This type of popcorn is like 70% healthier and it tastes just as good…if not better. Even when you purchase butter-free popcorn at the movies, they pop the popcorn in super fatty oil, so it’s always going to be really unhealthy. Also, I can control my portions if I bring my own. I can’t get over how big the “medium” and “small” buckets of popcorn are these days!
What you wrote is so relatable and I know tons of us struggle with the exact same thing. Thanks for writing about it!
-Kaisa-
http://www.spruceupyourlife.com
Kaisa: Thanks so much for writing!! I used to bring diet popcorn (as I kindly refer to it) but now I just don’t care to be bothered. I have found that I did my biggest movie time food gorging when I was alone… when I am with friends I tend to to tone it down a bit!! haha!
Smuggle in movie food…and for me, brushing my teeth at 8 prevents me from eating crappy food later.( I am “off” at 4 or 5 ish…) But you are on a different schedule…hmm… schedule no food after 3 hours off work..I dunno..
Well, I am not that compulsive. I know what and when I should eat. It’s just saying “no!” to the urge to eat.. It’s not rocket science. I am gonna try to be cognizant of my choices and urges and make the right ones for the long term. OY! I just have to do it already. Commitment! One day at a time, one urge at a time and exercise. Swimming will be my first foray back into the active realm. I was quite happy in the pool. will keep you posted. Thanks for the comments!! Glad to know someone is reading this!