The Amazing Adventures of Life Change Girl – Litmus Test: The Bagel

My regular favorite waiter had my usual dinner order memorized: start with chicken soup which consisted of two giant baseball sized matzo balls, noodles and broth – in a cauldron.
Large matzo ball with noodles please!
BLT on whole wheat toast with fries and a side of mayo (for the fries)
and about seventeen refills of regular coke.
But that was not my order this night.

The BLT comes with cole slaw and you get a tray of pickles and a basket of breads: challah, bagels, and bialis and a bowl of square packaged pads of butter.

I would purchase at least one giant cookie on the way out. It is frosted with a smiley face.

But not this night.

I ordered a small dinner salad and small bowl of chicken soup with matzo ball but I only ate a few bites out of the matzo ball. My waiter Paulo came over to me with worry stamped on his face: is the matzo ball okay?

I kept drinking water and I ate two pickle slivers.
Oh! And take the bread away too please!

Paulo’s eyes narrowed as he took away my bowl of soup and bread basket, shaking his head. I told him:
I’m trying to not eat like a pig tonight.

He smiled and nodded his approval:
That’s good.

Yeah!

I cheated a bit with the dressing (but not crazy) but I recalled how I lost 110 LBS last time and it was by forgiving myself a little damned dressing when fries, mayo, BLT’s and double matzo balls are at stake!

I finished my meal and even though I looked like I ate like a pig (dressing everywhere, lettuce and soup stains resting on my tits) I felt okay. I felt full. I felt triumphant. I didn’t feel guilty.

I ordered dessert: Jello. Yes, Jello! Shut up! I happen to love Jello. And you know what? It was so much damned work to eat it that I gave up after a few bites. I began the Herculean effort to slide my bulk out of my seat and my legs out from under the table (that was bolted to the wall) all the while holding onto the table and seat for dear life and leverage. (picture the body contortion required to get out of the middle seat in an aircraft to go to the bathroom when the passengers in front of you have their seats in the recline position) After this graceful ballet I was convinced that now was a great time to start getting into a different shape!

Immediate goal: No more doing the limbo to extract myself from booth-seating in restaurants!

The “food thing” is a bitch.

I haven’t watched what I’ve eaten in years – not since 2006. I remember the first few times I fell off the chuck wagon and gave into my food desires. I felt badly about falling, but it was much easier than saying “no, no, no,” all of the time. I have always felt guilty after eating with total abandon. It’s is definitely a guilty pleasure. But as of 11:30P.M. I prevailed.

This life change must be approached strategically, slowly, but full on toward the commitment to change. I must acknowledge that like a junkie or alcoholic, I can neither give into my urge to “eat with abandon” nor abandon physical activity, i.e. working out.

I know it appears I’ve gone cold turkey but let me tell you again: I AM SICK OF BEING A FAT BITCH. I love myself. That’s why I am changing my life one meal at a time. Again.

P.S. I have low fat goodies to satisfy my cravings tonight: fruit. However, last night I had no real late night cravings for food. I did drink beer BUT, usually I drink beer AND eat about 4500 calories worth of food. (and yes, I know drinking adds a lot of calories) I will have to describe one of my late night binges one time if I get up the nerve to share it with you all.

Note: next test – the movies! Will Life Change Girl be able to resist the allure of “extra buttered” popcorn and a large coke?