Talk About Love

Talk About Love
So, I thought I might write about Love and Marriage. Luckily that thought quickly jumped out of my head and I decided to write about sex instead. But then I decided I might be better off to just think about them both and go have some soup and put another load in the wash.

Soup has been consumed. it was a lovely sweet potato concoction that my friend made for Thanksgiving and generously packed up for me as leftovers. My laundry had been folded and put away. And I am happily watching “Bridget Jones Diary” on DVD. The word for today is “Spinster.”

Spinster: noun derogatory, an unmarried woman typically an older woman beyond the usual age of marriage. Oh my God!
In modern English, however, Spinster cannot be used to mean simply “unmarried woman”; it is now always a derogatory term referring or alluding to a stereotype of an older woman who is unmarried, (yes, that’s me) childless (yes, me again) prissy (never!) and repressed. (uh…)

An acquaintance (male, European, horny) once insisted that I answer this question: “Why aren’t you married?”
I gave a very intelligent answer.

“I don’t know.”

However, my brilliant comeback did not stop him from probing further.

“Don’t you want to be married?”

“No, I mean, well, yeah, but, it just hasn’t been right… er.. no one has ever asked me!”

His astonishment shocked me. He started going on about how he did not understand how such a talented, beauty, blah, blah could be still single.” Of course I realized that perhaps he wanted to engage in some type of joining at this point, that did not involve marriage, but the question did stick with me as did my pathetic loss for an answer.

Why aren’t I married? Of course I realize having a boyfriend first would make the job easier but at the moment I want to probe the question. I have many women friends who are not only single but desperately so – desperate because they have no boyfriends or even a prospect (to date) of a lover of any kind. We (I put myself in this group) are all wonderful broads: clever, funny, independent, fun loving females who love sex – not a prissy bone in the lot!! So what is the deal?

I am trying very hard not to mention that most of us are overweight, and with the exception of yours truly, most of them (not me of course) don’t get out much. I have a couple of girlfriends who go to work, come home, walk their dogs and then go to bed. There are a couple of them who after years of promiscuity (all with the hope of evolving a boyfriend from their trysts and of course finding only hurt feelings and fossil remains of their dignity) have gone on “love lock down” and don’t bother with “all the hassle” ever.

This all sounds very dire. I think the modern definition of “Spinster” should include “bitter.”

I have several girlfriends who say with much seriousness that they have resigned themselves to the fact that they “will never find anyone, I will always be alone” and “I’m okay with that.” Oh dear.

And many women have said there just aren’t any guys out there in our age group. I don’t know, my niece says the same thing. (Personally, I don’t limit myself to an age group. oops!) I know there are statistics that say that after a certain age your chances of finding love lessen – a lot.

Perhaps, I am a “Pollyanna.” But I don’t feel like that. I am hopelessly romantic and hopelessly hopeful. But perhaps I am just deluded.

I have however turned away love, not deep love, I think that perhaps I run at the first sight of it, but will stop in my tracks at the sight of a nice angst – filled unrequited bout of hell. (not on purpose, I swear) But I do believe that I have outgrown that part of my behavior. Now I know that when a man makes me feel confused or unsure, then that is a sure sign that he:

a. may have liked me but changed his mind, or
b. doesn’t like me “that way” regardless of how or what he says or
c. is confused and unsure and thus will torture me for as long as I am up for it.
d. all of the above and I must run for the hills.

I think one must go about finding a lover (see boyfriend/fiance) like one finds a job. Be prepared and ready for all opportunities that may drop your way. Thankfully, I am not dying to get married nor do I feel an undying urge for a baby. I have a friend who insists that I want to be in love, that I want to be married but am in denial. Hmmm… I don’t think so. It’s just what I do. I have been solo for a long time. I missed having a boyfriend right after I broke up with one, but now, not so much. But I must say that I really wish I had someone I could share all of the wonderful movies, a meal and regular sex with….

How appropriate – “All By Myself” is playing in “Bridget Jones Diary!” Don’t worry my darlings! I know I am going on about this but my life is actually quite full and happy. I have all of you!! And I refuse to give up my future happy ending. As with Barack Obama, I “dare to hope” that I will find a true love – a soul mate, but first… Show biz!!