I started this post as a lament after hearing some awful gossip. A longtime close friend said unkind things about me and it hurt my feelings. Apparently, this friend took issue with my Gofundme campaign last year and my financial problems of the past few years. I had an inkling that that may have been the issue but refused to believe it. It shook me. I had been trying to reach out to this person in the past and there was always an excuse, a rational explanation as to why we were no longer close and I would be elated for just a small display of kindness from this woman. I started to feel like I did back in the days when I used to try to get the attention of some guy I was infatuated with. I racked my brain to figure out what I had done to this friend that would lead to this estrangement but the friend always denied there was a problem. And I accepted that. But I ain’t no fool. That is what was on my mind when I prepared to write this blog post. I was ready to pour my heart out (as is my way) about my sadness, anger and disappointment. And then, I heard that a childhood classmate is battling Cancer. Suddenly my concerns over that broken friendship seemed trivial and petty.
Fighting for one’s life is a real crisis. Fretting over a friend’s disloyal behavior ain’t shit.
Suddenly, I am enveloped by the words and wisdom of my mother about friends, listening to gossip and life. I don’t have the time to chase after a person who has abandoned me. I can’t afford to mourn over a past relationship or continue to reclaim a lost bond of friendship. If someone drops you and won’t talk to you about it, when someone questions your integrity – then that’s all she wrote. Period.
I know who I am. Imperfect yes, but I am a quality person with a loving heart.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Words hurt but they mean little when compared with someone’s battle with Cancer. That is pain. That is monumental. When your body betrays you you feel helpless and alone. You follow medical protocols and hope for the best but you know that there will be only more pain and trauma before you can even dream of achieving a normal semblance of your old life. You become changed.
We are such fragile beings. Our little spirits that keep us going and our physical bodies can be shaken and ripped from us in a minute. Life turns on a dime.
So we choose our battles. We choose our friends. We choose the high road or not.
So I choose to remember the good times with this friend. I wish her the best but as my Mama would advise: I’m going to leave her alone. I am not going to waste another minute trying to reach out or humble myself with her. Friendships like everything else in this world, run in cycles. There are some of us like my friend with Cancer, who has far bigger choices to make and battles to fight, and my little spat with my disloyal friend is nothing compared to that.
