Not to be gross but, I casually mentioned the fact that there are pigeons having wild bird sex on my window sill and how loud and annoying it is…and well, of all my Myspace blog entries, that was the one attracting the most attention…SEX!!! Pigeon SEX!!
Now don’t get me wrong! I am a nature lover–I swear–but it seems like Pigeons are the universal nuisance! Forget WOMD – – Pigeons – – are the bane of many human’s existence. I never really hated them before. and I had plenty of contact with folks who did.
Typical scenario: Walking down the street with my friends; pass pigeons; they (the girls) all erupt into venom spitting beasts: “Flying Rats” “Disgusting!” I was oblivious to it all…until…PIGEON SEX IN MY WINDOWSILL (can you hear the screaming?)
And I failed to mention the nest. Yes, there is a fucking nest next to one of my air conditioners. BACKGROUND: I hire a service that installs and removes/cleans/stores my units every year and they offer this added benefit – You can have lucite sides attached to your A/C units so it (the window unit) looks as if its floating in your window. Normally you have wooden boards or those accordion wings that extend from either side of the unit which holds it in place. The lucite doesn’t block out the view/sun light. And if you happen to have a pigeon family nesting there, you are quite able to view the egg laying process as well as the mass quantities of shit they leave…
Did you know that baby pigeons are born with yellow fuzz like baby chickens? But the cuteness ends there. They have enormous beaks and resemble miniature vultures. I began hosting “viewings” to see the miracle of nature; the fucking Discovery Channel in my window…The visit always starts with “ooooh”…and as the person gets closer to the beasts…it ends with “EEUU – they are ugly” except for my niece who thinks the whole thing is “so cool!”
Before the eggs were laid, I noticed the twigs…then more twigs and no matter how much banging I did on the window, the little bastards kept coming back. One particular day after I banged on the window and flashed a bright light in the mama’s eyes, the female got up off the nest and there: lo and behold – was an egg. Usually, the little cretins would fly off and return later but this time she just got off the nest but hovered nearby..my heart melted. I felt like the ugly human beast torturing one of God’s creatures who was only doing what came natural: finding a safe haven to have her babies…we were both females after all. I was the barren human female trying to destroy…well you get my point… I tapped gently on the window and she hopped back on the nest and we were cool. And from that moment on I allowed the family (later came egg two) to stay…
But then today, I noticed another female standing on the A/C unit in my Living Room with a little twig in her beak and I almost lost my mind. HELL NO!! This is not a Two Pigeon family house!!!
Now you are saying…well just get rid of them..but the lucite is sealing the unit into the window..no access…I guess there is a way from the outside – I reckon…Guess who AIN”T gonna climb a ladder to remove pigeon babies/and/or shit from the sill?
And the incessant cooing and cawing and then the frenzied “whoop-whoop” sounds they make when sexing it up! The frantic beating of wings…EEUU!!!!
And so “I made arrangements” I feel like Tony Soprano arranging to have the entire Pigeon Family “whacked” And the “enforcers” are laying some anti pigeon tack things on the window ledge to keep them away. But I must admit…I almost asked that the original P-family be allowed to stay – at least until the young ones can fly..they haven’t flown yet and they are huge!! But I must be strong. I mean they aren’t gonna kill ’em right? Will let you know what happens…
