Paradise Lost

OY!!! I can finally talk about our glorious trip to Hawaii. My group was hired by a corporation to fly into Honolulu for a corporate gig. In & out – nothing to it right? HA!! No such luck for me the bandleader, the mama of my “grown assed men” band.

Now y’all know how much I loves’ my band – but as most children do- they make me wanna kill ’em!! Let me explain: First of all, one member gets thrown into rehab (“I say: no, no no”) and just as we are about to board the plane, my keyboardist informs me that one other band member… uh… will not make the flight… he got caught in bad traffic… SCREAM!!! Now we all drove or rode in the same damned traffic. I didn’t get caught in the traffic. In fact I had been leisurely shopping at O’Hare International Airport for Starbucks and a good novel to read – ages before our nine hour plus flight.

My nerves were wrecked because I didn’t have the time to really talk to him about it. We were literally boarding the plane. There was nothing I could do from the air and hell, he was a grown man and one of the more capable members of handling his business… I figured: “no biggie” – the gig is tomorrow. The wisdom of traveling the day before is that you can recoup for any idiotic bullshit your band mates might come up with. He can just catch the flight tomorrow or later and no problem… right?

We land and I immediately call him to find out the deal. Well, it turns out our corporate sponsor (though I believe maybe the middle person/event planner may have managed this) had bought the cheapest, most restricted tickets in Christendom and not only would this fourth rate airline refuse to book him on the next available flight; they also wouldn’t allow him to fly stand-by. It was like “you snooze you lose”… literally, cause the fool actually overslept and that’s why he missed the flight.

I immediately wanted a drink or a dose of heroin. I once heard a story from another band leader about heroin. His lead singer had not shown up for an important audition for Sony Records and someone offered him a line of smack – sniff! sniff! and suddenly he didn’t care anymore. That sounded like total bliss to me. I might also mention that he then spent the next twenty years battling a heroin addiction but that’s beside the point! This band was gonna turn me into a junkie in Hawaii.

But all was not lost! I called my angel goddess cousin who works for a real airline and she arranged (while getting her nails done or having her dog groomed) for him to get on a direct flight: Chicago to Honolulu on the next day. He would arrive in plenty of time. And there were two flights that day because UNITED FUCKING ROCKS… (excuse me!!)

Ah… bliss… I’m down only one player. And so I treated the boys to a lovely meal with palm trees in our view, the sound of the ocean’s surf and outdoor tiki bars.

That’s Bruno (left) and Isiah (right) finishing up fourths at the Hawaiian buffet.

We were staying at The Turtle Bay Resort (the location for the film “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) and it is just gorgeous! It is located on the North Shore of the island Oahu and known for its breathtaking natural beauty.

I had big plans for the next day. Wake up early; have breakfast by the ocean; take a walk along the beach; then head to the pool for some swimming. I was so excited to get into the deep end of a pool. (Check past blogs for that bit of herstory)

I spent the evening looking around the grounds and having a cocktail at the outdoor tiki bar before turning in.

There is a five hour time difference between Hawaii and Chicago and so when my phone rang at 4AM that meant 9AM in Chicago – the departure time of my player’s direct Chicago to Honolulu flight… OH SHIT!

“Perhaps” I said to myself – whilst shaking in my boots, “Perhaps he’s just calling to tell me that he’s on the flight and all is good!”

Yeah right!

“Hello?” Imagine the weakest angst filled greeting ever…

“Lynne, both of the flights to Hawaii have been cancelled!” Blah blah blah…

So another call to my angel, goddess cousin, who arranges a connecting flight via Los Angeles to Honolulu. He will make it just in time to get to the resort and plug in…
That flight left in a few hours… I knew I had to consider PLAN C: I had to find a sub for my player in Honolulu with only a few hours notice – just in case he missed that later flight.

Colin! I need to call Colin! ( ass saving, godsend type who always travels with me and the band ) Cause, see, Colin had already talked to the Big Hawaiian dude who provided the sound system and had already started the wheels in motion in case we needed a sub.

Big Kahuna Hawaiian sound dude: “Sure, I know one of the best bass players in hawaii!”

But it’s 4AM, I can’t call at 4AM! I’ll wait till 6AM and besides my musician may still make the flight! so, two hours later I call Colin and wake his ass up to say can you call the sound guy to call the bass player just in case goof ball’s flight… (GULP!) cancels?

Colin: “No problem!” (Sung by me: heaven must be missing an angel…)

That’s Colin on the left with Garry (right).

Well, of course that flight gets cancelled too due to some weather crap on the west coast. And then I spent my “glorious breakfast on the surf, walk along the beach, swimming in the pool” planned day in my room connected to my cell phone waiting for the sub to call, and then having to make a song list based on songs he knew already. Meanwhile my lovely band keeps calling my room asking: “who is gonna pay for our breakfast here on the beach?” GRRRRR.

Ask Brady or any other band member at this point: “How is Hawaii?” His response: “It’s awesome, beautiful!”

Ask me the same question: “How’s Hawaii?”
My response: “Hawaii sucks! I hate Hawaii! I never wanna come back!”

The sub was available.

The Shivers all pull in and make it happen like troopers. The guys turn what normally is an hour line check into 4 1/2 hour rehearsal.

The sub Dennis McCleese is AMAZING and totally saves our collective asses. The party goes off without a twitch – except for my nerves. All’s well that ends well. Showbiz… no business like it, no business at all!!!

I decided to take a few photos while I waited for a decent hour to wake Colin.