My Left Knee

It came upon me on the evening of Flo’s memorial celebration. Sharp and sudden. I was getting out of bed and as I was performing the simple act of placing my feet upon the floor (which requires bending the knees) I was struck with a surprise shot of pain in my left knee. It caused a small scream to shoot from my mouth.

What the hell is this?

I sat on the side of the bed, one leg on the floor, the other leg straightened and immediately placed back on the bed. I tried again to ease my poor leg over the edge of the bed and as I bent the knee the pain rose up again dab smack on the center of my kneecap. So I slowly slid it off the bed – with knee extended – and placed my foot on the floor. I don’t know what to expect once I try to put my weight upon it. But it held with no pain until I tried to bend it. I hobbled to the shower and got ready to go. I wrapped my knee. Somehow I made it down the two flights of stairs to the sidewalk and walked to the corner- all the while dragging my leg. I flagged a taxi, but getting into the car was awful.

Chicago Taxis have a barrier between the front and back seats, some with less than a foot to place one’s limbs in. I have trouble getting my long legs and big feet into these taxis in the best of circumstances. Just imagine trying to do so without bending one knee. I sat on the edge of the seat at the open door and pushed myself to the far end of the back seat with my left leg extended across. Luckily, I had a very kind driver. I went to the party and I proceeded to sit there and mill around a bit. There was no extreme pain. The odd thing was that I could bend the knee and keep it bent. It was the actual action of bending it that sent a shock of pain across the kneecap. I found if I did it from an angle there was no pain. And sometimes there was no pain at all.

My dear friend Conci – who at age 28 has been stricken with some form of degenerative arthritis for over a year now – was hobbling just as badly, worse even, than me. And so the two of us laughed at our mutual distress and slow crawl.

I took it in stride. Knee pain was nothing new to me. This particular sensation was a new pain experience but I just chalked it up to “an arthritic episode” and hoped for better days soon.

That was a week ago. And it got worse. But first I ran some errands – slowly – I was always able to put weight on the knee and so I kept walking.

Then on Thursday I babied the knee. I had a gig at the Drake Hotel on Friday and I was intent on being in at least presentable shape by then. And so I was. I was able to walk – slowly – but with no unbearable pain. I sing seated Cabaret style (in a high boy chair) at the Drake so I was okay. The crowd was great. The show was great.

Then Saturday… I spent the entire day nursing the leg in bed. I hadn’t taken any heavy duty drugs – just rest. But Saturday night was hell. i couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep. The leg just throbbed. I awoke Sunday and tried to get out of bed and Bam! The intense sharp pains were back. I had an invite to a lovely brunch in the suburbs and considered staying home but I gathered my strength and took a ride from my BFF Babs. I spent the day on my friends lush couch and all was well enough. BFF Babs brought me a giant bag of Aleve and I noticed immediate relief after the first dose. I spent the evening relatively pain free.

AND my cell phone came back to life!

Finally, the Goddess was on my side!

I had a very important corporate gig on Monday night. I had to be in good shape. Unfortunately, my left knee betrayed me. Not only was walking near impossible, but the very action of putting weight on the knee was very painful. But the show must go on.

I was practically in tears as I flagged a taxi. The frustration was really getting to me. The gig went really well. There was no stage so performing while seated was not a problem. I had all of my guys behind me and as usual we kicked ass. The party guests – all middle aged and suffering from their own various aches and pains – were quite sympathetic. There was even a guest in a wheelchair due a recent injury. Later that night, I found myself pulling a suitcase behind me while hobbling on a cane at One A.M. trying to flag a taxi. I felt so pitiful. Luckily, I happened upon another sympathetic driver whose kind words and patience really eased a lot of my frustration.

But Monday night was hell. I was really depressed. And visions of laparoscopic surgery and giant needles filled with cortisone danced in my head.

To the doctor. At this point my knee decided to heal itself but only during the examination. I felt no pain as the physician poked and prodded my knee, digging in deeper and deeper trying to find the point of pain. My knee bent with no pain, extended with no locking. What the hell! I felt like a hypochondriac.

Knee is fully extended.
“Normally I can’t do that!”
Knee is bent every which way with no resistance or wincing from me.
“Normally, that would make me scream!”

The doctor says “un huh.” and prescribes some arthritis meds and sends me on my way with instructions to stay off the knee for a couple days and alternately ice and heat it and gave me some prescribed exercises and stretches.

The pain and joint locking returned as soon as I got out of the taxi in front of my house. And there was an added feature: it seemed that all of the doctor’s deep probing had aggravated the knee to swell up and tighten like never before. I felt as if my knee had behaved like an uncooperative pet that wouldn’t perform a trick upon command for witnesses but as soon as you were alone with it- here come the flips and tricks.

I’ve learned a lot.

I learned that Epsom Salts have an expiration date.
I learned that soaking in a hot tub ain’t worth the trauma of trying to get out of the tub once the soak is done.
I’ve also learned that being single and disabled sucks. You need a nurse or a mommy. And I’m no good at asking for help. I haven’t had the energy to hop down my long hallway to cook, I ran out of toilet paper and dragging my legs to the kitchen to get fresh ice for my pack is a nightmare.
Nothing works better than plain old ice. Frozen gel packs get to room temperature real fast.
And I have developed a huge affection for handicapped bathrooms. Those rails and high toilet seats ROCK!

Right now I am icing my knee. The swelling is almost gone and my leg is no longer locked. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? And I think I should see another doctor. Thankfully I have ten days before my next show.

And that’s the story of my left knee.