Mistaken Identity

Halloween faux pas:
I watched as a plus sized woman with lotsa eye make up (black lined eyes and brows), wearing a brocaded two piece suit and pill box hat, saunters across the room… She was obviously dressed as Divine, the famous John Waters’ muse and star of the original film: “Hairspray.”

You’re “Divine,” aren’t you?

I am full of pride at my ultra hipness as I blurt this statement out! I bet no one in this room of straight folks knows who “Divine” was!!

But her crestfallen face throws me… she looks exceptionally saddened by my obvious mistaken ID of her costume…

No. I am not Divine.

Then she shrieks: Everyone keeps calling me Divine!

Oh… uh, well, who are you then?

“I’m Jackie Onassis!”

OOPS!!!

I return from my friend Brenda’s fabulous well stocked party and new fabulous kitchen. I walk into my building and spot my plus sized neighbor “what’s-her-name” through the first door of our vestibule. She is wearing a red and white santa outfit. How festive!!! I yell in an excited sing songy childlike voice:

SANTA!!!

Then I realize as I enter the inner door that she is wearing a red dress with white trim, not pants and black boots!

No matter, it’s a quick fix!

Uh… MRS. SANTA!!!

Again, the crestfallen face. So, I think to myself: Aw geez, a roly-poly woman in red dress with white trim? Who else could she be?

No, I’m not Mrs. Santa.

Then she shrieks while waving her newly visible floppy pink hat wildly: I’m Strawberry Shortcake!

I give up.