Just Do It Already!!

Procrastination is my middle name… I am feeling like a poster child for one of the seven sins: SLOTH!!

You see, I have so many plans and dreams but I just can’t seem to find anything more comfortable than being in my bed or on the couch–alone!! Don’t get me wrong – I never sat there like “Miss Lonely” – feeling sorry for myself. Quite the contrary, I used to feel elated, blessed to be able to have the time off to do so and relish it. But I realize now that I have been complacent and comfortable for too long. My big king sized bed is very comfortable however it’s becoming boring and unsatisfying. I am starting to feel like the biggest loser: the huge talent that never fulfilled her potential. The uber talent who kept talking about all the things she was gonna do and ended up doing NOTHING!!

Can you hear the screaming?!!

WAIT A MINUTE…THIS IS STARTING TO SOUND LIKE the BEGINNING OF A RESOLUTION

I SHOULD be writing my “one woman show”, I SHOULD be rehearsing the band, I SHOULD be picking new material for performance, I SHOULD be picking an album theme, I SHOULD BE in the studio, I SHOULD I SHOULD I SHOULD!! I SHOULD be posting the 750 mailers out to clients instead of kicking them around in the massive box on my floor in the living room, I SHOULD be mailing the Four Hundred Client holiday gifts (also stacked in several large boxes on my living room floor) Yep! My living room is fucked up! (In fact my entire house really does reflect my state of mind right now. I SHOULD include a photo) … I SHOULD be working out every day, swimming often, eating less, booking more, partying less, cleaning more, watching movies less… [Pant! Pant!] Being a grown up sucks!! Being a grown up with talent really sucks!!

My friends and supporters all ask: “Why don’t you stand up and fulfill your potential, live up to your talent? Your destiny? Are you afraid of success?”

I don’t fucking know why. I have great ideas and I can talk ’em up a blue streak but it seems like I just can’t move forward. I have dozens of really great contacts and a network of people who would be thrilled to help me bump up another whole level. They are all just waiting for me to dos omething, anything.

SO WHAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM??? Any therapists out there? One of my friends said to me:

“You’re lazy” ( fucker! ) of course I wanted to say to him: “You’re a fuckin’ drunk!”

But maybe he’s right. Oh Jesus! I’m lazy!!! Oh My God! [Hands clasp either side of face, head banging on desktop]

WAIT A MINUTE!!

I run a very successful business, I’ve kept a band working for over fourteen years… One doesn’t do that by being lazy right? Though I once had a teacher say to my mother that I tended to: “rest on my laurels” This was in the Fourth grade! (fucker!)

I’m lazy and a “Laurel rester”? Somebody fucking shoot me!!!

But I’m not afraid of hard work. I know the only way to achieve success in life is through “hard work.” Hard work always pays off. I know that if I do the planning and the work then, all will be done: the theater, the cd, the show–all done my way.

I want it, I really do.

There, I’ve said it. “I want it.” Maybe that’s been the issue! I’ve never really wanted it before. I’ve been afraid of saying I want to be… [gulp! slow intake of breath]… A… A… [faint whisper] Star.

I guess the only thing left to do is to get up off the fucking couch, out of the bed and get to work. Cause nothing is gonna change unless I get proactive. I am standing at a well overflowing with water and here I am, dying of thirst.

My bed was so comfortable…

I guess it’s time to get uncomfortable. It’s time to answer that Whore’s Siren call… It won’t be so bad – change – Right?

I mean, I did survive the deep end of the pool.