A Great Big Diva!

By

blue-mask-eyes
Was it not Goldilocks who sat in a chair and broke it? That chair belonged to one of the Three Bears.

Well, I wasn’t at the home of the Three Bears. I was sitting with a good friend on a barstool in his kitchen when suddenly I lost my balance. The chair seemed to have dumped me. I caught my balance before hitting the ground but when I glanced back at the offending chair I saw that it had been twisted, bent down as though by a very heavy force – MY ASS!!

Luckily as the Gods would have it, I was talking to a an old friend, who is also a heavy person, and he didn’t miss a beat. He acted as though nothing had transpired thus extinguishing my welling embarrassment and humiliation. We continued on with the conversation, I moved to another chair.

That chair held.

I offered to pay for the repair of the chair.

“Don’t worry about it. Those chairs are pieces of shit anyway. They’re all broken!”

I look around. All of the remaining chairs were intact save for the smooshed one that I had just murdered.

Oh, the humiliation of breaking furniture…

Immediately, I flashback to the hurtful, hysterical laughter of friends as I landed in a heap of limbs (belonging to both me and the chair) on the floor after the last time I murdered a chair.

That chair is old and has been repaired numerous times. I should have told you it was broken.

To myself: Ya think?

This is a fat person’s worst nightmare.

I hope my friend can get his chair fixed.

I ate a salad and walked two miles today.

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Comments

  3. Content aside, this is really well written, Lynne! The rhythm of it and your final line are wonderful. As far as the “event” itself? I have no doubt that the chair was cheaply made. Think about cars…every so many, a lemon is made. I think this applies to ANY manufactured product. But keep on walking, baby, because -health- is something else all together! 🙂

    • Mia: You must know how much your comment means to me (about the writing) such high praise from such a scholarly broad!! LOL

      Re: the chair? You are too kind!

  4. Broken chairs, been there, done that. And as long as you aren’t hurt…You know stuff isn’t made like it used to be. I’m so bored with walking, there’s no meat to it. No pun intended. Do you walk outside? To sketchy, even where I am, to wear any musical distraction. Keep on truckin!
    xo
    Michelle

    • I agree that walking can be meatless… but compared to laying on the couch it’s high action for me these days. Gotta dust off my bike. I love to bike around the Lakefront (one block from my house)

      Shame that your hood doesn’t allow for freedom of Ipod.
      Thanks for stopping by!!

  5. It is called grace and it is something you are born with. I would not be born with such a trait– which is why I was doing ballet for many years. Furniture today is crap– do not blame yourself.