A Dream (man) Deferred

Unbeknownst to most of you – my cyber family, I have been involved in a rather serious infatuation with an absolute dream of a man. He is gorgeous and sexy and sensitive and spiritual and gorgeous and sexy and smart and gorgeous and sexy. And I have been obsessed with him for weeks now. We have been doing this kind of dance around the hot chemistry thing for weeks now and it had been building to porn movie proportions: walking by each other, grasping a finger and holding on, running my nails down his thigh when he sits next to me, licking each other’s necks (well he licked my neck, I just acted like I didn’t notice) It has been so hot.

He slipped me his phone number and I did not call him. I don’t know why I didn’t dial his number. Well, actually, I didn’t call because my house has been so messy and NO, I didn’t start cleaning my house so I could host my dreamy stud puppy. Anyway, I finally decided to call up Mr. Handsome Stud Puppy Sex God of My Dreams (MHSPSGMD) and set up a… “date.” I left a message on his cell phone.

Then I went to work. Work ended at about midnight, and at about 1:30AM I get a text message. thinking it might be my niece, I casually checked the text: Oh My God!! It was MHSPSGMD!!
MHSPSGMD: “U Hm frm gig yet?”
ME: yes.
MHSPSGMD: Up for company?
ME: [to myself] SCREAM! this is the nite!! OH My God!! [text to him] “sure. But my hse is trashd”
MHSPSGMD: My apt. Pk U up? 20 mins?
ME: [to myself] Perfect! Bonus! [text to him] “k. call me on cell when u r close.”

Since I was fresh from my gig I was in full make up and full of myself as me & the boys had totally rocked a rather challenging party. And so I decided at that moment to go all out and get sexy.

Let me explain, MHSPSGMD has never seen me in make up or dolled up. Actually, a lot of people haven’t seen me that way. I have been “Miss Casual I feel fat so I ain’t making the effort lately” and with this guy… he was so all over me in my natural state that I didn’t even bother.

But this night I decided to go all Sex and the City on his ass! I kept my diva jewelry on, put on my best sexy black bra and co ordinating decolletage showing blouse, long black skirt with a slit and heels and lipstick and a HAT!! This fucking hat is so dramatic…all 1940’s and shit with beads and such. And I carried a cigarette holder. Crazy!

Needless to say MHSPSGMD was flabbergasted when he saw me. He parked his car, and came up to my apt. to pick me up. I opened the door, cig holder in hand… I have never seen such shock on a person’s face before. “You look incredible! Wow!” Whoo hoo! I am thinking to myself. I made him go down the stairs first cause God knows I didn’t want him to see me negotiating the stairs in those heels. My knees! (the things we do for hot sex!)

And so we go to his gorgeous place with his great music and views and big assed screen tv and wine and weed and God he was even more gorgeous in his house. Did I mention his foreign accent? Anyway, after what seemed like hours of kissing and touching hands and he gave me this wonderful massage – my cell phone rang and it was one of my friends, she was wasted and decided to call to schedule a trip to fucking Monte Carlo and so to show off just a little, I decided to talk to her briefly. And when I hung up MHSPSGMD turned into “Mister Opportunist Let me spout off my resume so your rich friends might hire me dude…” At first I thought he was kidding. But he wouldn’t shut up!! It was crazy and the gild started flying off his well muscled body and I saw the tin beneath and all I wanted to do was beat him senseless, or at least silent, with my shoe!! He just wouldn’t stop!

He just kept yakking. i swear that I placed my fingertips over his mouth (Bullets Over Broadway style) and said “Don’t speak!” Did that fucking matter? NO! Several times I thought to myself: “oh Lynne, who cares if he’s an arrogant self serving blabber mouth?” He’s fucking hot!! But then, I would tune back into his endless babble and I started picturng myself chewing off my arm at the elbow and running for the door. Of course, this image made me start laughing hysterically and the night turned into me staring into his unbelievably handsome face and then picturing him in various situations in which I was smacking or escaping him. And then the laughter would start again. I realized that I was just over it and even tho this man was hot and I wanted him so badly a mere hour previously, at this point I just wanted to scream “shut up fool!” But even that seemed like more of an effort than I wanted to make. Wanting is not the same as having.

So, I “suddenly” realized that I had forgotten that I needed to “be home for something! or “someone who was dropping off something” and got the hell outta there. The look of shock on his face was priceless and it gave me an odd sense of elation. I refused his offer of a ride home. He walked me down the quiet hallway and waited with me for the elevator. I was dying inside because I felt like an explosion of laughter was trying to force itself out of me like an erupting volcano. And I knew my laughter, which now felt like a scream, would resound up the elevator shaft. I ran into the street. The sun was shining. I felt like singing that Stones tune at the top of my lungs: “I am free to do what I want, any old time!” Wanting is not the same as having.

On the other hand: Let’s be honest here: a hot sexy man who wants to do you just don’t fall off trees. Maybe next time, I will be more sober, no psychedelics and I won’t let him speak. Or maybe we should just keep it at the hot flirtation level. Or hell, I might not even want him anymore. But he is so damned gorgeous and sexy and what a body!! You know what? Life is good!