I hope the title of this post spells it out for you. I have not been diligent in my quest to change my physical self. I must confess that I have been eating with total abandon, have done no exercise and frankly, I haven’t even given a damn. I have been eating a lot and loving it, well, that is when I am not feeling uncomfortable from stuffing myself silly. Actually, I feel like a junkie or alchoholic who has fallen off the wagon… the food offers me comfort and immediate satisfaction that takes very little effort to obtain. But it is short lived. My knees hurt, and I don’t like my body like this: weak, soft and roly-poly. Ew!

I know what to do. I know how to do it. I’ve lost huge amounts of weight twice in my adult life by eating healthy and exercise. Yet, here I am. I lost ten pounds a coupla months ago and I was so happy, but then time went on and I reverted back to my old habits. I simply stopped monitoring myself and gave in to eating everything with no restraint. I stopped caring about the fight. I was going to title this post “Failure!” but I have opted for a more optimistic approach. I have avoided the action needed to change my life and take control of my physical body. I have chosen to procrastinate when it comes to physical exertion. I say to myself: “I need to exercise, I gotta start exercising,” and it stops there. But I refuse to give up. I am obese. There. I said it. And Goddamnit I am determined to change this cause It ain’t cute. I am sick of being fat.

People tell me “You’re too hard on yourself. You are a beautiful woman, don’t talk about yourself that way.” I say “Bullshit.” I’m not hard enough. The desire to be healthy is a good thing. The belief that I can do it is essential and that takes a huge vote of confidence – in myself. This is just a reality check. I’m not getting any younger and the time for procrastination is over. The time for action is now. I know this will be a good thing for me as it will affect all aspects of my life. And so today is a new day. Time to take care of myself and not just carry on as before. It’s time to live and take the bull by the horns – or in this case – my body by the fat.

I know I am not the only one. I see many folks just going about their lives with so much extra weight, and no exercise. And exercise is the key. All of the studies prove this, my common sense tells me this, I have empirical evidence to support it. I don’t want to have aching knees, hypertension, diabetes or heart disease. But that will be my fate If I don’t change my life right now. So here I go again, back to the drawing board, back to the gym, back to the pool, back to low-fat, high fiber good eating. I will remember all of my training, look at my notes and start over.

I know I have said this before, many times. But I can’t give up. This is my journey. And here goes my first step. Here we go!

Amen.

Tags: diet & exercise, fat, Lynne Jordan, lynne jordan & the shivers, lynne jordan and the shivers, obesity, personal growth, weight control, weight loss, women's body image
Filed under: In the Life of a Diva