The Adventures of Permanent Lifestyle Change Girl: A Confession About Me & Food and What I’m Gonna Do About It.

I have been working out with a trainer since April 2, 2015. It’s been a big commitment and I feel stronger and active. I weigh 300 Lbs so it has been no small feat to keep this body moving and I have lost weight BUT before anyone starts patting me on the back I have a confession to make.

I have NOT been watching my food intake. That’s the biggest understatement of the year! Let me put it another way: I have been eating like a pig! How I have lost any weight is a wonder to me.

Maybe that’s a bit strong.

I have been intermittently watching my food intake and pigging out. I will go to the gym and work my ass off with my trainer and then go eat a cheeseburger and fries. Okay. I said it. I have been holding onto the fact that I have indeed lost 31 Lbs. Yay! But I have not been serious about the food thing. Now It’s time to put it all together: the fitness and the food intake. It’s time to stop fooling around. I have to do more. It’s time to get real because I need to lose weight like ten years ago.

The truth is, there’s a reason I haven’t been fully committed to controlling the food thing:

I just didn’t wanna.

I do “wanna” lose weight and be healthy. I’m just gonna have to do the work. That’s the truth.

Time to quit playing. Time to get serious. My “food thing” is no joke. I am a compulsive eater. I am a binge eater. So, you see, it’s not just about overeating with me. It’s a behavioral thing.

Folks say there is a reason we overeat. It’s emotional. It’s psychological. Yeah, okay. I will explore that. In the meantime I have to go back to those good old days when I changed my relationship with food. I have to treat food (binging, eating high fat food etc) like an addiction. So now, I have to plan each meal, consider each urge to pig out and make the right choices. And if I happen to give in to eating the wrong stuff – I will NOT beat myself up, nor will I give up. I will simply make the right choice next time. It’s a lot of hard work but it is worth it. I am trying to save my life because I know this weight is going to kill me.

I can do this.

I have done it before.


A lot of my bad eating is a matter of convenience. I have to make an effort to eat well, just like I make the effort to getting fit and strong. There are ways to cut back that will make a HUGE difference in what, when and how much I eat.

First and foremost: NO MORE SKIPPING MEALS. I have to start off the day with a good healthy breakfast that includes protein. Sometimes I get so involved with a project that I put off eating or I just don’t take the time to eat until I am starving, then I will eat everything that’s quick and easy like fast food or a bag of something. I must stock my fridge with good food. I have to buy “distraction” foods like fruits and healthy quick meals that I will take the time to prepare because I am the Queen of take-out and delivery. I will carry quick energy and healthy snacks to tide me over: stuff that’s easy to carry like an apple or a healthy nut & dried fruit mix – a little of that kind of stuff goes a long way. I am not big on energy bars so I must adjust for that. And when I go out I will take the time to think about what I eat. I LOVE movies but when I go to the cinema, I am stocking up on extra buttered popcorn, hotdogs and soda like a fiend. So, I thought about it. I watch movies at home all the time and I rarely have food while I watch, so what’s the sudden urge to pig out at the theater?

I’m not saying I will never eat fried foods, salt and cheese-covered stuff again, but I have to make the choice to eat healthy foods as much as possible. I know what’s good for me. I know which foods are full of fat. I know all of the tricks. I can not go with the impulse to say “Fuck it! I am eating this cheese covered thing instead of the vegetables and non-fried food!” It won’t kill me to let up on that stuff, and I always feel better after I make the healthy choice. And that’s the point afterall: To feel better.

Meal by meal, urge by urge.

Here I go.

Stay tuned.

P.S. I am eating an apple right now. I automatically reached for the potato chips but I couldn’t find them. Then I remembered I must make the healthy choice. That was easy. I found the chips and after five minutes of arguing with myself, I dumped them in the garbage. I ate the apple, and you know what?

That apple was delicious and satisfying on so many levels.

I feel better because I made the healthy choice.

Baby steps. One urge at a time.

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