The Amazing Adventures of Permanent Lifestyle Change Girl: Litmus Test – the Movies Part 2 Success
I did it!! I went to the movies and did not go to the concession stand. And I did not die of hunger nor did I waste away from longing for snacks. There were folks crunching and munching all around me! The deicious aroma of popcorn and butter was dancing all over me but I did not falter in my conviction. In fact, I felt like they were slaves to their popcorn – puppets of the concession stand.
I thought to myself as I listened to their cracking and smacking.
I went to this particular film with friends. I think it’s easier to bypass the concession stand when I have “witnesses.” Haha. You know, maybe I like going to the movies alone because I can eat everything I want with little or no shame. I think compulsive eating is easier done when one is alone. And I believe the mass quantities of food I would purchase before a movie was a compulsion. Hell, I could eat a full meal, then go to the movies and proceed to buy a large popcorn with extra butter. What the hell?
I went to another film the next day and bypassed the concession stand again. Twice! And I was also with friends.
The true test is to go alone and not purchase food. I think I can do it. Hell, I sit here at home and watch movies all the time without a morsel!
I am not proclaiming that I will never eat buttered popcorn at the movies again, but for now, it is an important hurdle for me to conquer and a step closer to my real commitment to pay attention to my body and health. I know some of you might be reading this and thinking: “What the hell is wrong with you? Just stop eating. It’s just popcorn for God’s sake!”
Fuck you. But seriously folks, I have the “eating thing.”
Obesity is very visible in my family. I have had several close relatives who were morbidly obese. (I know that is a harsh term but it gets the point across right? I ain’t talking chubby, nor plump, nor thick) Note: the terms “had” and “were” – they mostly passed away from weight related illness – It’s in my blood and so I have to fight it. Experts say that it’s emotional and psychological, that we eat to fulfill some need, soothe some pain, fill in an empty space.
I did not become obese until I reached my mid twenties. I always felt like I was “fat” as an adolescent but I was neither an obese child nor teenager even though I always felt like I was. But I’ve seen the photos. I was not.
It’s a journey. It’s a battle. And it’s a lot of fucking work.
By the way, right after I wrote the above I immediately thought to myself:
I think I’ll go have a BLT for lunch.
I have to take it one urge at a time. No to BLT, but yes to the huge salad in my fridge – all veggies and a little grilled chicken for protein.
I have got to reprogram myself.
I’ve done it before. I lost over one hundred pounds twice. I just woke up one day and started watching my food intake, exercising (the key) and learning all I could about nutrition and how the body utilizes, stores and processes food. I became a health -conscious person.
I did it twice, I can do it again – one urge at a time.
Besides, my knees are killing me.