“I Could Be Next,” the fear of middle age.

Strange days. I am a very upbeat, positive kind of person. I always look on the bright side of most situations and people. However, lately my usually happy-go-lucky thoughts have turned to those of my own mortality. Stroke, heart attack, Cancer, disease and death are what I visualize on a huge roulette wheel and it’s spinning. Whose number will be up next? It could be me. I could be next. There could be Cancer cells growing in me right now. A little clot may be waiting to stir loose and travel to my brain.

Believe me when I tell you. I do not dwell in this place but anytime one of my peers is stricken, I shudder – first in mourning for them – and then in fear of that big unknown. It feels selfish to think of oneself in light of the loss of another, but I can’t help myself.

I am not young. I am closer to the end than the beginning of my life.

Does anyone else think these morbid thoughts from time to time?

Of course I just keep on living, drink a little less, exercise more (well, I want to exercise) check in on friends…

I say:

It’s time to start living like there’s no tomorrow, because like my mama always said: “it ain’t promised to ya!”

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