Stay tuned: Will Permanent Lifestyle Change Girl really turn back into a hopeful romantic?

I need to get into the studio like years ago. I am such a better singer than I was when I recorded my last CD which was ages ago!! Jazz? Pop? Blues? So many choices. But I am looking forward to it. Really. I know a studio owner who happens to be a kindred spirit who really wants me to record at his place. Sounds like kismet to me.

Stay tuned: When will Permanent Lifestyle Change Girl return to the studio?

inside the IRS office for my tax audit...

I had a rare visit from a dear, dear friend in January. She stayed in my home which is even rarer cause I never host anyone in my home because it is always such a mess – which is too bad because I have some wonderful things in here and all the accoutrement for a wonderful visit – just imagine the bath & beauty products and the movies!

Me and BFF Carla

It is also during her visit that I started seriously watching my food intake – hard to binge on food when you’re not alone – and coupled with a few days of exercise – I began my journey of healthy living. Since her visit I have lost ten pounds!!!!!!!!

Once I returned to Chicago from Europe, I had a sudden flurry of gigs to perform while I battled jet lag. I was always tired and my knees were aching like crazy. My knees ache especially when I am fatigued. Try jumping around singing with achey knees. It totally sucks. I am never more aware of my age than when my damned knees ache. I am determined to rebuild the strength in my knees. That involves some weight training and stretching as well. Can’t wait to get to it and see if it helps alleviate the pain.

Shortly after I returned from Riga I performed at an event for Black History Month for the Cook County Treasurers Office. I sang “Lift Every Voice and Sing” – a cappella and “Amazing Grace.” It was appropriate because my intro to the song was to tell of the history of my great grandmother being a slave and the story of my grandfather escaping a lynch mob in the Deep South to settle in Ohio where he gained prominence as a Baptist Minister. One of my strongest memories of my grandfather (as preacher) was of him singing “Amazing Grace” from the pulpit. I finished with an impromptu rendition of the “Big Fat Woman Song,” which was a chancy transition as that song is so risque, BUT, Treasurer Pappas loved it and I got an audience of folks singing and clapping before noon!

Me & Cook County Treasurer Maria Pappas and my award of excellence for performing.

I had a tax audit. It really wasn’t so bad. I report all of my income and I have receipts for everything. My expenses are all organized according to the type of expense with a double adding machine tape attached. But it was nerve wracking all the same though my IRS agent was really nice and seemed to genuinely want to know about how my finances were structured and about my business. I think he got it.

taxi receipts, double tape adding machine totals

I have been having a ball with the Chicago Cabaret Project. It has been fun and inspiring. they work so hard. It’s really good for me to get out of this house and start performing! They are so gracious and good performers!

Me & Cast of the Chicago Cabaret Project

Regarding my money problems… Recession, Recession Recession, and like a bunch of other folks I have been a victim of my own spending. Lesson learned. Things are better now and looking up!!

I got out of my comfort zone this year. I took on the hosting job of the CCP and went to sing in Europe with a Latvian Blues Band, I survived a tax audit and lost some weight. I’m going to start singing Sundays at the Green Dolphin Street in April: “Lounging With Lynne” Not a bad year so far…

I walk through the Riga airport with a queasy feeling in my belly – literally – and it’s building into a churning and burning sensation. I start to feel worse. There is some kind of intestinal disturbance going on and I begin to panic:
What if the flight from Copenhagen to Chicago is filled and I am assigned a middle seat that I have to maneuver out of my seat every fifteen minutes to go puke or poop or BOTH?!

Oh God Help Me!

I am so miserable on the flight to Copenhagen (for a two hour lay over) that I don’t even notice the flight or how many stairs I had to climb to get on the plane or the amount of snow on the tarmac. I arrive in Copenhagen and I am as sick as a dog. I decide that the best strategy is to get to my gate as soon as possible so that I might scout out the nearest toilet and remain there ’till boarding time – that is after I check with the gate agent and try to obtain an aisle seat by the toilets on the nine hour flight to Chicago.

I am literally dragging myself through Copenhagen’s airport, stopping every few steps to sit down and rest my head on my carry-on. Suddenly, my mouth starts to water, my belly burns and I know that I am about to throw up on the floor in the middle of the airport. OH GOD HELP ME!!! I fight the urge and search frantically for a sign for the women’s toilet. I ask some young hot security man for the nearest toilet. He starts to mull it over and I tell him:
You better tell me quick or I’m gonna puke all over the floor!

He quickly points me to one directly across from where we are standing.
There is a God!

And I run my ass to that bathroom and into a stall where I sit on the toilet with the wastebasket (thankfully a nice Danish Designed clean one) in my hands. What’s wrong with me?
I start silently reciting lines from the Bible:
Why hast thoult forsaken me?
I haven’t thrown up in public since I was in third grade when I puked in the hallway at Corpus Christi Elementary.

I make it to the SAS gate and the lovely gate agent mercifully informs me that the flight is not full and reassigns my seat. I have an entire row to myself again.
Thank You Lord!

I wait with my head on my lap for the the plane to board. I board the plane, tell my flight attendants that I am sick and wait for the Captain to turn off the “fasten seat belt sign.” As soon as that sign turns off I stretch out across my four seats, pull a blanket over my head and sleep for a solid three hours! I never sleep on planes, until now.

I wake up and the Belly Demon has left my body and I feel a whole lot better!! I nod off a couple more times but mostly I spend the rest of this flight writing this blog in longhand.

I am glad that I took this adventure on. I learned a lot about myself. I remembered how much I love singing Blues music. I also proved to myself that fear is the biggest obstacle of all: fear of the unknown, fear of making mistakes, fear of life. And I discovered that I can count on this gift – this talent – this ability to reach people and I am truly, truly grateful. I must not squander it. I have to get into the best physical shape that I can so that I have the energy to perform well on stage. I must go forth and accomplish all that I can because it makes me happy. I feel good when I perform. Singing and performing makes me whole. Wow. I said it. I have a mission in life.

Power Bracelets: ON.

P.S. Shana Punim is pissed that I left her. She follows me around the house meowing constantly for days. She’s over it now.

My knees are aching and I am just plain tired. I force myself out of bed and start gettting ready. I was so excited about my outfit for tonight’s performance – a new designer tie dyed gown, long and flowing. Unfortunately, I put it on and feel like “Miss Udder Tits!” I really need to invest in some new bras. But this is what I have. It is what it is.

I make it to the club and it is packed – more so than Friday night. I’ve got one club gig under my belt so I’m not really nervous, just anxious to get going. I feel energized. In fact, I really take my time with the a cappella piece. I walk around the room and work it more. I also fall apart during “I’d Rather go Blind.” It really puzzles me because there is no one in my life romantically at the moment but whenever I sing the chorus:
I’d rather go blind then to see you walk away from me
Cause I love you… I love you… so much…

My eyes would fill with tears and so would the eyes of anyone I’d make eye contact with. Maybe it was the act of saying “I love you so much” that evoked all my memories of heartache and unrequited love. Who knows. But it was so real and “in the moment” every time I sang that line. Maybe it was exhaustion. I also fell apart during the introduction to Amazing Grace.

I talked about my mom’s sudden death and singing Amazing Grace at her funeral and I marvelled that ten years later it still breaks my heart like it happened yesterday. The room was silent as the grave and I thought that maybe there was a language barrier and so I asked the room:
Do you understand me?

The room erupts into a resounding YES!

I finished the song and a man ran from the back of the room and came up to me and hugged me. The room bursts into applause. It was a gorgeous moment and I silently thanked my grandfather, my mother and the Maker for this gift. I know it sounds so sentimental and mushy but I’m telling you the truth. Suddenly, I felt I had a mission to touch souls tonight.

Now, in spite of all of this emotionality, the crowd is a bit more subdued than last night’s audience when I had the “party people” seated up front and center. Tonight they have seated a woman (who I affectionately refer to as the “stone maiden”) and her equally stoic husband right up front and she is trying her best to not make eye-contact with me. I know it’s intense having me right in your face – remember, I am not on the stage – but, one shouldn’t sit up front if one is easily intimidated!

Of course I refuse to have one night of crazy dancing and then very little dancing the next night – not after I opened up my soul to these people.

You muthafuckas gonna give it up tonight!!

And gave it up they did.

I take no prisoners.

Later in the show I announced guitar player Jon’s birthday and according to our prearranged plan the guys paraded to the stage – each carrying a cake they had baked in his honor! And I have no photo of this! AARGH!!

I signed the “Wall of Shame” and officially joined the ranks of the many other Chicago artists who have experienced this journey before me.

After the show and encore, me and The Latvian Blues Band sat around amazed at how well we played together. It felt like we had played together for ages. There was much mutual affection. I will miss these boys and Riga, Latvia very much. I have a feeling and a strong hope that I will be back.

Me & lovely Svetlana

We go to Lido – which is a crazy, massive place with three floors, families, kids running around and Christmas decor still out in February.

Xmas in February outside Lido!

Svetlana says it is as Latvian as you can get. There is Latvian music playing, which sounds – oddly enough – a lot like American Country and Western music. The building is made to look like a huge log cabin. It was a wonderful afternoon but I am fading fast. It’s after 5P.M. and I definitely need a nap.

I get back to my room and face the age old problems: exhaustion – but will I be able to fall asleep? Oy!

Next: Last show at Bites Blues Club